How Women Can Liberate Themselves From The Pressure To Look Perfect

By Laura Jennings, Registered Associate Nutritionist (ANutr)

If you’re a woman living in today’s world, chances are you’ve heard (or even said) things like, “She’s too fat,” “She’s too skinny,” “My hair is so thin,” or “My skin is so dry.” These self-critical comments have become part of our everyday conversations, as if tearing ourselves down is just normal. But why is there so much pressure to look "perfect," and what does "perfection" even mean?

A recent model for assessing perfectionism identified three main dimensions: self-critical, rigid, and narcissistic, which have been found to be associated with depression, anxiety, and stress (1). Rigid perfectionism involves expecting flawless performance, where a person's sense of value is tied to meeting their own perfectionist standards. Self-critical perfectionism involves being overly concerned about mistakes, reacting negatively to perceived failures, constantly doubting one's actions, and being excessively self-critical when perfection is not achieved. Narcissistic perfectionism is characterised by a tendency to expect perfection from others in an overly critical and entitled manner (1). The relentless pursuit of an unattainable ideal like ‘looking perfect’ is not only time consuming but also diminishes overall life satisfaction, trapping many in a cycle of dissatisfaction.

Where does this pressure to look ‘perfect’ come from?

The answer lies in a mix of societal, cultural, and even evolutionary factors—pressures that have only intensified over time. Traditional media has long dictated narrow beauty standards, but social media has taken it to a whole new level. On platforms like Instagram and TikTok, filters, photo editing, and curated content set a nearly impossible bar for what “perfection” looks like. Add to that the pressure of likes, comments, and views, and it’s no surprise we’re constantly striving for perfection. Content that’s appearance-driven often performs best, which subtly reinforces the message: your worth is tied to how good you look. And while we know it’s not true, it’s hard not to internalise it when these messages are everywhere.

The beauty, fitness, and wellness industries are built on one premise: to sell us solutions to problems we didn’t even know we had. From ads implying that “better” skin equals a “better” life, to products promising perfection, these industries thrive by making us feel inadequate. The irony? Their profits depend on us never feeling good enough.

It’s not just vanity driving the obsession with appearance; studies have shown that conventionally attractive women often have an edge in both professional and social settings. They’re perceived as more capable, likeable, and even trustworthy. This “beauty bias” can lead to higher socioeconomic status, and more successful reproduction (2,3).

So, What Can We Do?

Understanding the "why" behind the pressure is important, but true empowerment comes from rejecting these unrealistic standards. Here’s how you can begin:

Focus on ‘Body Functionality’

Focusing on 'body functionality' instead of appearance is a crucial step toward breaking free from the perfection trap. Body functionality encompasses all the actions and capabilities our bodies can perform, including internal processes (such as healing or digestion), physical abilities (like walking or stretching), sensory experiences (like sight or pleasure), creative activities (such as drawing or singing), communication (through body language or eye contact), and self-care practices (like sleeping or showering) (4). Research has shown that focusing on body functionality can enhance body image (3). However, the success of this approach depends on how much individuals can appreciate and feel gratitude for their body’s abilities (4). Shifting the focus to functionality encourages a move away from restrictive diets and intense workout routines toward more balanced approaches that nourish the body. Prioritising whole foods, regular exercise, and meaningful social connections over aesthetic goals and achieving a specific physique provides a healthier, more sustainable approach to overall wellbeing.

Reduce Or Curate Your Social Media Feed

According to research published by the American Psychological Association, reducing the amount of time spent on social media can have a profound effect on how people feel about their weight and overall appearance (5). If cutting back seems challenging, try curating your social media feeds to follow accounts that showcase authentic images or highlight the contrast between "Instagram vs. reality." This can significantly boost body satisfaction and help reduce body dissatisfaction (6).

Develop Mindfulness and Self-Compassion

Mindfulness and self-compassion are essential practices for building a positive relationship with your body. Mindfulness involves staying present and nonjudgmental, while self-compassion is about showing kindness to yourself, especially during difficult times. By staying present, you can break free from beauty-obsessed thought loops and bring awareness to the moment. Instead of spending money on beauty treatments, why not invest in something that brings you true joy and fulfilment? A 2022 study found that self-compassion significantly reduced all three forms of perfectionism. By replacing harsh self-judgments with acceptance and kindness toward your flaws, self-compassion can help ease the cognitive and emotional strain of perfectionism (1).

Cultivate a non-perfect community

No one can liberate themselves from societal pressures in isolation. Surround yourself with protective filtering in the form of supportive individuals who celebrate your uniqueness and encourage you to embrace your authentic self. Building a network of friends, family, or even online communities that prioritise mental wellbeing and self-love can help provide the emotional support needed to challenge harmful beauty standards.

Final Thoughts

The pressure to look “perfect” is an ongoing challenge that affects many women today. The unrealistic standards set by society, social media, and the beauty industry often leave us feeling inadequate, reinforcing the belief that our worth is tied to how we look. However, by shifting our focus from appearance to body functionality, we can break free from this cycle. Embracing practices like gratitude, mindfulness, self-compassion, and curating a positive social media environment can significantly enhance our self-image. It’s essential to prioritise health, balance, and self-love over unattainable ideals. Surrounding yourself with a supportive community and celebrating your individuality can empower you to reject harmful perfectionist standards. The journey to self-acceptance starts with understanding that your true worth lies in what your body can do, not just how it looks.

References:

Pereira AT, Brito MJ, Cabaços C, Carneiro M, Carvalho F, Manão A, Araújo A, Pereira D, Macedo A. The Protective Role of Self-Compassion in the Relationship between Perfectionism and Burnout in Portuguese Medicine and Dentistry Students. Int J Environ Res Public Health. 2022 Feb 26;19(5):2740.
2. Kukkonen, I., Pajunen, T., Sarpila, O., & Åberg, E. (2023). Is beauty-based inequality gendered? A systematic review of gender differences in socioeconomic outcomes of physical attractiveness in labor markets. European Societies, 26(1), 117–148.
3. Jokela M. Physical attractiveness and reproductive success in humans: Evidence from the late 20 century United States. Evol Hum Behav. 2009 Sep 1;30(5):342-350.
4. Alleva J, Tylka T (2021). Body functionality: A review of the literature, Body Image. 149-171
5. American Psychological Association. (2023, February 23). Reducing social media use significantly improves body image in teens, young adults [Press release].
6. Tiggemann, M., & Anderberg, I. (2020). Social media is not real: The effect of ‘Instagram vs reality’ images on women’s social comparison and body image. New Media & Society, 22(12), 2183-2199.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

Laura is a registered associate nutritionist (ANutr) with a first-class Masters Degree in Nutrition. Laura is a researcher at The Food and Mood Centre in Melbourne, where she contributes to cutting-edge nutritional studies. Additionally, she serves as an author at Men’s Fitness UK Publication. Laura’s specialised focus lies in the domain of performance nutrition, where she engages in personalised consultations with athletes and fitness enthusiasts, aiding them in the pursuit of their performance-oriented goals.

Instagram: @laurajane_jennings

Website: https://www.thenutrimethod.com/