The Highly Sensitive Person: Are You Living a Life More Sensitively?
By Fran Jolly, Certified Meditation & Mindfulness Teacher and Registered Yoga Teacher
‘You’re so sensitive’, ‘you’re too emotional’, ‘just get over it’, ‘you need thicker skin’, ‘yes, I’m feeling down today, how did you know?’…ever been on the receiving end of one of these comments? Then you may also be a Highly Sensitive Person (or commonly referred to as ‘HSP’ for short).
So what is a ‘HSP’?
We are all sensitive at times, for different reasons, it’s part of life. However, many aspects of our world value aggression and toughness – with sensitivity oftentimes seen as a weakness. Being highly sensitive is not a flaw, but rather a unique personality trait (not a mental health condition, not a disorder, but rather a ‘built in’ part of your personality) that comes with its own set of strengths and challenges.
It's thought that between 15-30% of the world’s population are highly sensitive, so if you or a loved one resonate with some of the signs, you or they, are by no means alone. In fact, it has been found that while HSP is a personality trait – it is believed to be evident via a healthy dose of both nature and nurture. By this, I mean that it is believed to be a genetic (inherited) trait and further impacted by your upbringing and experiences throughout your childhood.
How to Tell if You Are a Highly Sensitive Person
Not all HSPs are the same, they may resonate with all the ‘typical’ signs of high sensitivity that researchers note, or 70%, or 50%. It’s also good to think of sensitivity as a scale – with some people finding themselves at the higher, middle, or lower end. All HSPs are a little different.
Dr Elaine Aron is arguably the leading Psychologist in the field of studying sensitivity. In the mid 1990’s she coined, then introduced the term ‘highly sensitive person’ to the masses. You can take a short test she devised on her website, to discover if you are a HSP.
Aron summarised HSP ‘signs’ under the acronym ‘DOES’:
D - ‘Depth of processing’
People who are highly sensitive spend a lot of time thinking about and reflecting. Simply put, HSPs process everything more, whether that be emotions, thoughts and sensory input (such as sounds and smells, the itchy texture of a jumper etc), more deeply than others. They may take longer or find it more difficult to make decisions, as they weigh the options out and compare them to past experiences they’ve had. This, however, also means that HSPs tend to have greater attention to detail, are more careful when evaluating, give insightful observations and can be more creative when offering solutions to problems (particularly great for those trickier projects at work!).
O – Overstimulation
With all the extra-deep processing highly sensitives do, it’s naturally going to impact energy levels. HSPs can get overwhelmed from all the additional processing of things happening around them.
Because of this, more downtime may be needed. HSPs benefit from having time to decompress after a busy day, to prevent burn out. Making sure they have time to wind down is really important. A day full of meetings (online or in-person), a night out for dinner with friends, a family birthday celebration – can leave an HSP feeling incredibly tired, with so much happening for them to process. It doesn’t mean they don’t have fun or shy away (although some might, we’re all different!), but having some downtime afterwards, really helps someone who is living more sensitively.
E – Emotional reactivity (and also) Empathy
Do you ‘take on’ or are you affected by other people’s moods and emotions (are you a ‘feelings magnet’, if you will)? Highly sensitives tend to experience emotions (both positive and negative) more intensely. They are also more likely to be highly empathetic, feeling more deeply moved by happiness and distress of those around them.
Many HSPs find it difficult to watch violent movies, oftentimes actively avoid them, because the violence is deeply upsetting. Stories or news segments involving people or animals being hurt or treated cruelly may also be difficult to watch without getting upset.
When studying the brain, HSPs were shown to have more activity in areas of the brain related to empathy, emotion and reading social cues – suggesting that those with the personality trait are very ‘tuned into’ the people they are around. HSPs often feel as though they are ‘absorbing’ others emotions and it can take a while to shake those emotions off, as they can carry adopted emotions with them, throughout their day. There are a number of tools HSPs can use to reduce the impact of these emotions quite so intensely, but it does mean that empathising with others comes naturally to them.
S - Subtleties in their environments
Highly sensitive people tend to be aware of changes or subtleties in their surroundings that other (less sensitive) people may not pick up on. Some HSPs notice or are affected by a slight change in temperature in a room, for instance, or an energy shift – if someone is feeling uncomfortable for instance, they are more likely to pick up on it and adjust things to ease a person’s discomfort (also tuning into their empathetic nature).
What it's like being a Highly Sensitive Person
For highly sensitive people, the world can sometimes feel like an overwhelming barrage of sensations. The subtleties that others may overlook, whether it's a slight change in tone of voice, a shift in atmosphere, or even the texture of clothing against their skin. This acute awareness can be both a gift and a challenge.
Emotionally, HSPs often experience intense feelings. They may be deeply affected by the emotions of others, feeling overwhelmed in crowded or noisy environments, or becoming easily stressed in high-pressure situations. As mentioned in the ‘O’ for ‘overstimulation’ – heightened sensitivity can lead to exhaustion and a need for recharging their batteries.
They may also have a rich inner life, finding solace in creative pursuits or introspection. It’s often been found that HSPs are more moved by the beauty of art, music, story-telling and nature – they are often very creative people – as their sensitivity can lend a helpful hand to creating things that connect with others.
Working with Highly Sensitive People
In the workplace, having a highly sensitive person aboard can be your golden ticket to a harmonious and happy team. An HSP leader can be more attune to the well-being of others.
HSPs are also likely to pay more attention to detail – ensuring that their work is of a high standard before submitting it. However, this can be a little difficult for some HSPs – they are likely to feel more stressed under pressure as they may need more time to feel their work is at its best.
If possible, provide a quieter workspace: Highly sensitive people often thrive in environments with minimal distractions. If possible, offering them a quiet (or quieter) workspace or allowing them to use noise-cancelling headphones can help them focus and be more productive. Working from home is beneficial, as they will be able to control their own workspace.
Be clear in your communication: HSPs appreciate clear and direct communication. Be explicit about expectations, deadlines, and feedback to reduce ambiguity and minimise any stress.
Respect boundaries: Recognise that some HSPs may need frequent breaks or time alone to recharge. Going for lunch on their own is often something they may value, or making a quick tea or coffee for a breather while the kettle boils. HSPs often perform to high standards, but it does mean that they can get burnt out easily, so check in with them too.
Encourage feedback: Create a culture where feedback is encouraged and valued. Highly sensitive people may be more attuned to subtle nuances and can offer valuable insights that others may overlook. Giving everyone in the team the space and encouragement to share their thoughts, ideas and findings will create that safe environment, where each team member, HSP or not, will feel happy to share.
Provide opportunities for creativity: Many highly sensitives excel in creative roles. Offering opportunities for creative expression and problem-solving can tap into their strengths and boost their job satisfaction.
Your HSP friend, partner, or family member
Understanding and supporting highly sensitive people can strengthen relationships and deepen connections, whether they are your partner, friend or family member.
Take the time to listen: Take the time to listen attentively to what they are saying, as we should do with all relationships that are important to us.
Be mindful of your words and actions: Highly sensitive people are likely to be more sensitive to criticism or conflict. Avoid harsh or judgmental language, as this can be especially upsetting for someone living more sensitively and can stay with them for a longer time.
Create a calm environment: Some HSPs will love attending a packed-out gig to see their favourite band, other HSPs (remember the scale) may find that their worst nightmare. When spending time together, check in with them to see whether you’d both be happy for meeting somewhere to allow for conversation and connection. Oftentimes places like clubs or very busy spaces create overwhelming environments or situations that may be stressful.
Respect sensory preferences: Highly sensitive people may have specific preferences when it comes to sensory experiences, such as textures, smells, or noise levels. Respect their preferences – they may need to adjust plans to make sure that they’re not massively overwhelmed – so they can enjoy their time with you and focus on your time together.
Practice patience and understanding: Understand that highly sensitive individuals may need more time to process information or make decisions. Try to be patient and supportive with this.
Embracing sensitivity as a valuable trait allows us to celebrate diversity and create environments in which everyone can thrive.
A few common HSP myths
Now let me say, for those of you who may identify with some of the points I’ve raised, being highly sensitive is not a predominantly negative trait! However, in a society where a successful person is deemed to be naturally bold or exude ‘toughness’, being considered sensitive or displaying sensitivity can be viewed as weak. Elena Herdieckerhoff gave a TED Talk titled ‘The Gentle Power of Highly Sensitive People’, in which she said “sensitivity clearly has a PR problem”. I myself am a HSP, and after speaking with many other HSPs, I, dear reader, can clear up some myths:
No, we are not members of the ‘snowflake society’
No, it’s not just women who are highly sensitive - society’s feminisation of feelings and traits of sensitivity (empathy and compassion for example) is not at all inclusive and just wrong (and awful). There are many men who are highly sensitive – the toughness myth is incredibly toxic
No, not all HSPs are shy or introverted – in fact 30% of HSPs are extroverted!
Please don’t worry, no one needs to walk on eggshells around us
No we’re not emotionally weak – we’re more heightened to our own feelings and those of the people around us, but this is a great skill.
If you’re thinking, ‘OK, so I resonate with a lot of this…’
If you’ve found yourself relating to a lot of the ‘HSP signs’, I would do a quick search to take Elaine Aron’s (free and pretty quick) highly sensitive test, that you can find on her website.
After taking that, should you find that you are also likely an HSP, then welcome to the club! We’re a friendly bunch, I promise. Isn’t it a weird sensation, to feel ‘seen’?! There’s plenty of resources available online for more information, including practices and tools, to better understand this trait. By searching for ‘highly sensitive person’ online, you’ll find so much helpful information and also communities of other HSPs. Discovering that you are an HSP is something completely normal – it’s just a part of the way we are – we just live more sensitive lives.
If you’ve completed the short test and you are not a HSP - you likely know someone who is an HSP in your life, and you have taken steps by reading this post to better understand the trait. I can assure you, all HSPs (including me!) would thank you for taking time out of your day to read this (yes, thank you so much!).
ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Fran Jolly
Certified Meditation, Mindfulness & Yoga Teacher
Francesca is a certified Meditation and Mindfulness Teacher, Yoga Teacher (RYT) and works in Digital Marketing for charities. She is passionate about empowering and supporting others in taking time for themselves to reap the benefits of a few mindful moments.
She understands the busyness and often overwhelming chaos of our worlds, that can create anxiety and stress. Since beginning to live more mindfully and after delving into the wellness space, she works in supporting others with their mindfulness practices. Her intention as a teacher of meditation and yoga is to create positive and safe spaces, in which to experience stillness and the present moment.
Insight Timer (for her guided meditations and meditation music): https://insighttimer.com/franjolly
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/francesca.wellness